Worst New Year's Resolutions

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I resolve to: 

1)  Start smoking 

2)  Start Drinking 

3) Start taking hillbilly heroin 

4)  Start having unprotected sex with the wife's girlfriends  

5)  Become "Naked Gym Guy"  

6) Become "Chatty Naked Gym Shower Guy"  

7)  Stop brushing my teeth   

8)  Stop holding in farts  

9)  Bring my untrained dog everywhere  

10)  Teach my dog that every table top is his toilet  

11) Tear the tags off mattresses  

12)  Turn my music up loud and don't wear headphones  

13)  Take 30 items to the 10 item express line at the store  

14)  Have very loud cellphone conversations in church and at movie theaters and during meetings  

15)  Bathe once per year  

16)  Quadruple dip  

17)  Show up work drunk  

18) Use without replacing the last toilet paper  

19)  Write funny things on the empty roll like:  If you can read this it's already too late  

20)  Eat Cheetos and wipe my hands on an expensive wedding dress  

21)  To Smell like hot dog water  

22)  To reek of wieners

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